Meat & Potatoes, a meating of the food heroes.
The Ham-Boy/ Kid Produce Crossover!
Dullard's Corner
The Stevens home
Thanksgiving
The whole Stevens clan are present even Jasper Stevens AKA Kid Produce,
member of the super hero team the JBH. His family does not know he is a
super hero.
The Stevens' have just sat down at the dinning room table, waiting for the
turkey. Jasper is sitting next to his cousin, Hyperlyna. At the other end
& for good reason is Betty, another of Hyperlyna & Jasper's cousins.
Hyperlyna has a hatred for Betty. Next to Betty is her childhood friend,
Fred Harris. Fred has a secret to, he is the super hero known as Ham-Boy.
Besides him, the only other person present who knows he is Ham-Boy is Betty.
Fred, not knowing anyone besides Betty, looks around the Stevens' home.
"It's a nice home. Betty's relatives seem nice, too. Her cousin, Jasper
looks familiar. Where have I seen him before ?" Fred thinks.
Then he notices that the ceiling had a crack in it and its growing. Then,
that part of the ceiling totally caves in. Fred sees the top floor of the house and through that the roof.
A man came floating down though the hole.
The ceiling fell on the table & the family scatters around the room.
"I have come for you!" said the man said in a spooky voice
"Who?" asked Grandma Stevens.
The man pointed to Jasper. "Him!"
The man is draped in a grey cloak. From under the cloak can be seen a
metallic full body suit. The man has shoulder length burning red hair. His
green eyes seem to be able to see into your soul.
"Um, I'm not sure if this is normal for a Stevens' family get together, but
who are you?" Fred asks he stands behind a chunk of the ceiling.
"My name is Unimportant. I have come for the one known to you all as Jasper
Stevens & to me, the Death Bringer."
"Wait a minute; you think that I’m some sort of Killer?" Jasper asked.
“HAHA! Jasper! A killer!” Lyna snorts, “He can barley tie his own shoes together!
"Yes. Come with me or I'll kill everyone here & your little dog to."
“But we don’t HAVE a dog!” Mr. Stevens comments.
"Doesn't matter. I'll find one."
"Alright, I'll go but don't hurt anyone." Jasper said as he came towards the
man.
"Good."
The man then tied up Jasper with his hands tied to his ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron and left with his hostage the same way he entered. Then, Mrs. Stevens came out of the kitchen with the Turkey.
"Who's ready for Turkey?" She said as she enter the dinning room. She looks
around & then drops the turkey.
"What happened here, Hyperlyna were you fighting with Betty, again?"
Lyna replies with frustration, "What? How come everyone thinks I'm always fighting with Betty?"
"Because you do!" Betty replies from the other side of the room, safely out
of range.
"Wanna make something of it, Miss Priss?" Lyna replies, standing up.
Betty picks up her chair, "That does it! You want a fight, you got a fight!"
Fred tugs at Betty's shirt, "Shouldn't someone go after that guy with your
cousin ?"
"Bring it on, Betty!" Lyna challenges.
Mr. Stevens speaks up, "Girls, Stop it! Honey, a strange man in a cape and
metal body armor tore in here through the roof and the second floor and
stole Jasper because he fells that Jasper is a killer!"
"We need call the police & get my son back !" Jasper's mom cries.
"I.. uh.. I need to use the bathroom." Fred says at the most inappropriate
time.
"It's down the hall, dear." Mrs. Stevens replies through tears.
Just before Fred goes to the bathroom and before a fight breaks out between Betty and
Hyperlyna, the front door swings open. It reveals a man in a pilgrim outfit with
a souped up blunderbuss gun, "ATTENTION PEOPLE! I AM THE TURKEY KILLER! Give
me your turkey and no one gets hurt!"
The Turkey Killer sees the Turkey on the ground amidst the ceilings tiles.
"Alright, who did this!" he said pointing at the turkey with his musket.
Hyperlyna forgets all about hitting Betty with the chair. She looks at the portraits on the wall.
One is of grand Uncle Roger Stevens in his American Joe costume. The next photo is of her grandparents
Trevor Stevens and Historia001. It's no secret to the family that they had two costumed heroes in the forties.
She musters her courage and says, "I DID."
She then turns to the family and states, matter of factly, "Everyone, I have my grandmother's Amazonian powers. I can beat this guy."
“I sincerely doubt that!” the Turkey Killer says while picking up the wasted turkey.
She moves at super human speeds and soon has the Turkey Killer's arm behind
his back, "I won't let this continue!"
The villain surprises her by flipping her over on the ground, then pointing his blunderbuss at her head, "Wrong
Amazon! I am trained in the ancient art of Pilgrim-Fu!"
"Now, the question is.." Fred's voice speaks up from the hallway, He's now dressed as Ham-Boy. "Can you fend off the ancient art of Beef ?" He stares at the musket and then hamburger patties fill the barrel.
The villain barks a quick laugh and shakes out the meat. Then, seeing what was in his gun he says, "How dare you? Beef is rotten! Turkey is the choice meat! I crave it! I smell it! I NEED IT! It must be mine! But you, YOU Ham-Boy are EVIL! "
He points his modified blunderbuss at Ham-Boy's head, "I will make a lesson of you, boy! I'll kill the famous Ham-Boy to show the world that ham products and cow products are evil and should be scorned!"
"I'm famous?" Ham-Boy asks while standing next to a small potato. What's unusual about this spud is it has eyes. Real small human-like eyes.
High over Jasper's neighborhood, Jasper is being carried by his new villain.
Unimportant speaks, "Jasper, I call you the Death Bringer because THAT'S what you are! My produce stand closed because of S-Mart. Since, you are their produce manager, I blame you."
Jasper is only partly listening as he clutches a potato in his hands. He's looking into the eyes of the spud to see what's going on back home. "Good thing I left a Seeing-Spud back home!" Jasper thinks, "Wow! Lyna has powers! And were did Ham-Boy come from?"
"ARE YOU LISTING TO ME JASPER?"
"Oh! Sorry! I'm just so scared!" Jasper bluffs as he pushes the potato into his ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron. It magically gets sucked in.
"I try to wear my apron all the time. Glad it can disguise itself!" Jasper thinks. His arms may be bound, but he has enough room to reach the pouch in his apron. He pulls out an onion and starts to peal it with amazing grocer skill until he can now rub the special Acid-Onion on the ropes. Soon the acid has burned through and Jasper just hands on his own accord. He replaces the onion with a cantaloupe.
“Don’t you think you’re getting carried away?” he calmly asks the villain.
"Carried away? No, you’re the one getting carried away. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha !
The whole town use to come to my stand for produce, but because S-Mart came
to town, they all stopped coming. I lost everything! I became unimportant!
So with my last little bit of money I bought this old battle suit off E-Bay
and became Unimportant! Now I'll finally get my revenge!"
Jasper snickers. “What a moron.” He thinks, then says, "But you forgot one thing Mr. Unimportant!"
He tosses the cantaloupe in the air above Unimportant and shouts, "What the heck is that?"
The cantaloupe explodes, rocking Unimportant's battle suit out of the air and into a tree.
Jasper falls; pulling out his String Bean Num-Chuks he whips them around a different tree then swings to the ground.
He ducks behind a small brick wall and pulls out his Kid Produce costume.
As Unimportant falls out of the tree, he calls to Jasper "Jasper? Where did you go?"
Kid Produce pops out and says, "He escaped thanks to me! What do you think your doing, kidnapping citizens?"
“KID PRODUCE!” Unimportant breathes, “This isn’t your fight!”
Back at the Steven’s home Ham-Boy has led the Turkey Killer outside.
“Stand back people!” the hero says to Hyperlyna, Betty and Jasper’s family, “This isn’t your fight! I’ll take him!”
Lyna ignores him and charges the villain. A strange POP comes from the villain’s gun and a bubble surrounds her. She can’t seem to break it.
“This isn’t an ordinary gun. I’ve had modifications done on it! With a flick of a switch it can send out bubbles capable of trapping a grizzly bear!”
Ham-Boy turns to the pilgrim trussed bad guy and starts to stare at the turkey he’s holding. Suddenly it flies into Fred’s arms.
“I’ve got to get this creep away from here!” he thinks before running down the street.
“MY TURKEY!” Both the Turkey Killer and Jasper’s mom call out. The villain runs after Ham-Boy.
About a block away Unimportant runs at incredible speed towards the Steven’s home, “My boot jets are no longer working but that wont stop me from returning to the Death Bringer’s home! I’ll find the coward there I bet!”
Kid Produce is coming up behind, trying to find something in his pouch to stop the villain. Before he can heft out a Bowling Watermelon he sees Ham-Boy running the other way. “Hey you! With the ham on your head! Watch out!”
Ham-Boy dodges to the left and the Turkey Killer and Unimportant smack into each other.
As Ham-Boy ties up the villians with a sausage rope, he turns to talk to Kid Produce but he is no where around.
"I wonder where he went. I was thinking that we could have compaire notes on being food related super heroes." Ham-Boy thought.
"It's ok, Citizens." Ham-Boy says to the Stevens'.
"No, it's not. Where is my son & how did you get into my house ?" Mrs. Stevens says.
"Uh... I went through your backdoor and I'm not sure where your son is?"
"We don't have a backdoor." Mr. Stevens said.
"Uh..."
"Well, I'm sure it doesn't matter now." Jasper said as he walked up the
street, now out of costume.
As the family runs over to see if Jasper is alright, Ham-Boy slips away.
Minutes later, Fred shows up again.
"So where were you ?" Hyperlyna says in a condescending tone.
"I... Uh... I have a large bladder, so when I got to go, I go for long
periods of time. Yeah, that's it. I really had to pee."
Later on, after a minor clean up of the Dinning room.
"So, Betty. You have a super powered cousin ?" Fred asks as he passed the yams
to Betty.
"No."
"But what about Hyperlyna. She said she had powers."
"Oh, yeah. Now, I have to rethink the way I fight with her."
The two laugh and from down the table, Hyperlyna gives Betty a look that could
kill.
"Lighten up, Lyna." Jasper says as he hands Hyperlyna a roll.
